He got fired Again!!!
This is NOT the man I married, in 8 years he had 2 jobs. The first he voluntarily left because he had a better offer and we moved to LA in 1996.
He worked at this Job until November 2001, and he SAID it was due to 9/11 trickle down effect. NOW I begin to wonder.
Cause he never really tired to find a new job, he got meaner and meaner (He was already several years into the bastard effect around me, I guess he took the bastard to work with him after a while too.)
Cause we have been separated for almost a year and the divorce was final in October. He LOST the job he left me for when he moved to North Carolina in less than 4 months. The new Job he got, he just lost again in just a few months.
I'd laugh if he didn't owe me almost $4000 in back pay.
I just can't win, he fucked me while we were married and he's STILL FUCKING ME!
Too bad it's not the sort that can inspire orgasms.
I'm tired of being bent over and taking it up the jacksy without lube.
I think I need a real tryst, I think I could technically be called a virgin again it's been so damn long. I'm just so tired of fighting these battles I can't seem to win, that all my energy to create is gone, I have no life outside of my home cause I cannot be bothered to drag myself out of it most of the time.
Being as I am, which is extremely unattractive, and that's being kind, the only men I *DO* meet are old men, and I mean OLD. The last nasty old man to hit on me was pushing 70, had no teeth and he LEERED.
I'd love to be leered at by at least someone CLOSE to my own age, I don't even care if they are nice looking at this point, I'd feel alive at least. Then I have this uninteresting "Puppy" geek-a-zoid at age 22 who is just blatant in his innuendo.
He just wants sex, he's a virgin, and a nerd, and he's desperate.
Now I may be desperate, but not THAT out of my mind. I'm not some quickie in the back seat of a Honda civic.
I don't think I'd fit in the back of a Honda Civic.
Nor am I the fetish of some old greased geezer.
My Pride is taking severe whackings as of late, and I feel like I'm cracking.
I keep asking the same unanswerable question: "What's wrong with me? Why do I attract nothing but losers?"
I can give the obvious reasons: Fat, Ugly, Too Tall etc.... Cindy Crawford I have NEVER BEEN.
But really, I'm not all bad really. The outside package sucks rocks, but I thought the inside package was at least moderately decent.
I guess not.
Ah well, enough moaning about things that will never change.
Just have to resign myself again, my resolve slipped a bit there.
I know this is all I have and I'd better get used to it.
Sorry for letting the resolve slip there and annoying everyone with my whining.
Maybe it's cause it's Valentine's Day coming up and everywhere you go you get huge red and Pink hearts smacking you in the face. I loathe and dread this holiday, even when I was married.
As a kid, I got nothing, even when all the other kids were supposed to bring a valentine for everyone (Like I did), My bag, hanging on my desk was always empty.
As an adult, I was married to the most unromantic person on the planet who said it was "A waste of money" (Yet, he'd bring home a brand new DVD for himself that day or some other thing for himself. Bitter? I'd be lying if I said I wasn't)
Now Divorced, I just want to HIDE from the world, I don't want this holiday, I hate it with every fiber of my being.
It's just a holiday made to remind me I'm a loser.
Not a very PC holiday for those of us that do not fit the acceptable looks mold.
We get to sit here and pretend we're happy for all of you who did get the cards and the flowers and say things like "OH those are sooo Pretty!, They Smell soooo GOOD" *GIGGLE*
"You lucky girl" *faux fawning*
When I know I just get jealous, and I HATE feeling jealous. I'd rather genuinely be pleased for *enter random girl*, but I can't I wallow in this horrific self pity and I despise that behavior in me.
What a catch 22.
And there I go again, ranting some more.
Ignore me, I'm venting frustration I suppose.
I've let the bad side of me out of it's cage, time to stuff it back in and ignore it again.
Maybe one of these days that will go away.