D's Daily Drama (fablespinner) wrote,
D's Daily Drama

My Husband as an "Admirer"

And Bless John, he is so socially IGNORANT when it comes to this sort of thing.

Let me describe tonight...

Begin: My techno-UNSAVVY hubby has no idea how his phone works for the most part. He has no clue how to set up things. He can talk on it and text on it but anything else concerning the features on his HTC DASH are way to "SMART" for my brilliant (yes incredibly DUMB at times) hubby.

So I go in there to set up something for him and he gets a text and I notice his phone is like CHOKED with text messages (He does not know how to delete them, I'm not kidding.)

He goes "Who texted me?"

Me: "Some chick named Monica"

John: "Oh, that's my friend Jon's Sister."

Me: "Oh. Was she that really quiet girl *describe her appearance* that came with Jon to the Xmas party?"

John: "Yup. They didn't stay long."

Me: "I know and she just kind of stared at me HARD like I was growing horns."

Then I notice John has a lot of texts from Monica, some he has never even read, like 50 text he hadn't read yet.

*I* have never texted him that often.

Like in the entire five years we've been together, I may have texted him 20 times? Usually "OI, go to the store... Buy *THIS ___________*" kind of shopping list texts.

John was like: "Eh? HOW MANY?"

So I stared to read them out to him. She has texted my husband EVERY SINGLE DAY, multiple times a day since around two weeks before Thanksgiving... (Prior to that is was every week or so, one or two texts... nothing unusual, but after John met up with his friend and Monica one weekend for lunch the texts suddenly began to be obsessive... I can pinpoint the exact day Monica fell in love with my Husband. The Day he had lunch with her brother, and her for about 2 hours one Sunday afternoon in November. That's when the "Damsel in Distress" texts began...)

And as I read them. She's one of these women who "Needs rescuing"

She was sending things like:

"I'm so lonely"

"I'm sorry I text all the time, don't be mad at me"

"Do you think I'm likable?"

"What do you think about: ______________"

"I lost X amount of pounds!"

"Want to meet for Coffee?" (My husband despises Coffee)

"Want to come to my mother's house for Coffee?" (Your mother's house? really?)

"I don't know what to do, some man just admonished me for not reading the Gideon Bible." (WHAT THE FUCK? I am not making this shit up.)

"Are you Okay?"

"What are you doing?"

"Is Saturday a good time to meet for lunch"

"Do you think I'm attractive to men?" (Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! WTH?)

"Am I pretty?"

"Sorry I text so much, you must be tired of my texts. Is it okay if I text you like this?" (Fishing for a response from John)

and so forth and so on...

I mean these are inappropriate messages you send to a MARRIED MAN.

I'm like. "John, Monica is IN LOVE WITH YOU. She's headlong into a major crush."

My Hubby (Bless his oblivious ass) was like: "....... O_O ...... WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?!?!?!"

Me: John you DOOFUS you haven't read any of these. She's desperately wanting you to "rescue" her. (We all know these sorts of clingy women who need male validation and play the damsel in distress card.)

I feel really SORRY for her actually.

She's not all that attractive really, she could be, but her choices in fashion and hairstyle are NOT working in her favor. She's rather into "Goth" fashion that really looks good on NOBODY over the age of 18 (and even then it's pushing it), especially really heavy women in their late 30's. Her hair is dyed a terrible MATTE black and is naturally curly and sort of... "stuck in a light socket" styled. Thick, big black rimmed glasses, black lipstick wearing... etc... you can see the picture yes?

And it explains a lot to me about her and my very few brushes with her.

The one time I answered John's cell (Well, I answer it a lot because he is always forgetting it at home, but I only answered it once when she was calling him.) It was the beginning of December-ish. John was taking a nap and I so I answered the phone it said "Monica" on the screen and I knew this was John's friend's sister. (Before I ever laid eyes on her, I just knew about her from John. He mentioned that when he had lunch with his friend (Jon), he met his friend's sister MONICA and my hubby is sociable and will talk to anyone.)

In HINDSIGHT... what I had likened to just being SHY, she was like all tounge tied and shocked that *I* answered the phone and wouldn't leave a message with me when I said he was napping and she said "Oh it's nothing important, I'll call later." and hung up.

I didn't think anything about it.

Then at the Christmas party a week or so later that we hosted for our Freethinkers group, she showed up with her brother and glared daggers at me for the few seconds I was in her presence. (I was just walking past with a plate of food for John and I just briefly said hello to John's friend (also Jon, cause I recognize him we've been introduced formally.) and I wondered who the goth chick was (I wasn't introduced to) hovering next to her brother's elbow... My hubby told me later that was his friend's sister. Oh, okay. She seemed shy. Again I never thought ANYTHING about it.

I really had no time with her really and we did not speak. I didn't know who she was and there were a hundred people in my house so my attention was everywhere. (We hold the yearly party in our vacant condo if it's not being rented. Lots of space for huge parties in an EMPTY Condo)

But it explains *WHY* I was getting the look of death and they left a few minutes later.

She was hoping to be at a party with my husband and was counting on me NOT BEING THERE. (Because I am usually NOT there. I'm sick frequently. But I was having a good day that day.)

But it all makes sense and I explained it to my husband and he was all: "OMGOMGOMGWTGBBQ How do I fix this? This is... EW NO! AH!" He was in panic mode and then all "OMG HONEY I'm NOT CHEATING."

I had to laugh. I know he's not cheating. I always know where he is at any given minute of the day really. And if he's not at work (Where my MOTHER is his office manager), he is HOME WITH ME. I trust him implicitly. He has good moral fiber and we've both been cheated on in past relationships, we KNOW what that shit feels like.

But it's so sad to see that some poor woman has her sights on a man who is just not ever going to be available. He's MARRIED... To Me. And we are quite happily married.

John has decided he's going to talk to his friend Jon and have HIM deal with his sister. Cause we don't want to hurt her feelings, because it's just all around SAD. And it could have gone on so much longer if I hadn't checked text messages John never remembers to check and does not know how to delete.

There were so many unread texts from Monica it really isn't funny. So she texts him and she never gets texts back from him. It's sad she hasn't let that deter her from trying to get her hooks into my hubster.


There's just no easy way to dash her hopes without her crying over it I'm sure. That's the saddest part.

Tags: hubby, john, me, wtf?

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