D's Daily Drama (fablespinner) wrote,
D's Daily Drama

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Brilliant Stuff Here


Once again, The Washington Post has published the winning
submissions to its yearly contest, in which readers are
asked to supply alternate meanings for common words.

The winners are:

1. Coffee (n.) the person upon whom one coughs.

2. Flabbergasted (adj.) appalled over how much weight you
have gained.

3. Abdicate (v.) to give up all hope of ever having a flat

4. Esplanade (v.) to attempt an explanation while drunk.

5. Willy-nilly (adj.) impotent.

6. Negligent (adj.) describes a condition in which you
absent-mindedly answer the door in your nightgown.

7 . Lymph (v.) to walk with a lisp.

8. Gargoyle (n.) olive-flavored mouthwash.

9. Flatulence (n.) emergency vehicle that picks you up after
you are run over by a steamroller.

10. Balderdash (n.) a rapidly receding hairline.

11. Testicle (n.) a humorous question on an exam.

12. Rectitude (n.) the formal, dignified bearing adopted by

13. Pokemon (n) a Rastafarian proctologist.

14. Oyster (n.) a person who sprinkles his conversation with

15. Frisbeetarianism (n.) (back by popular demand): The
belief that, when you die, your Soul flies up onto the roof
and gets stuck there.

16. Circumvent (n.) an opening in the front of boxer shorts
worn by Jewish men.

The Washington Post's Style Invitational once again asked
readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by
adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a
new definition. Here are this year's winners:

1. Bozone (n.) The substance surrounding stupid people that
stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer,
unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the
near future.

2. Cashtration (n.) The act of buying a house, which renders
the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.

3. Giraffiti (n) Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

4. Sarchasm (n) The gulf between the author of sarcastic
wit! and the person who doesn't get it.

5. Inoculatte (v) To take coffee intravenously when you are
running late.

6. Hipatitis (n) Terminal coolness.

7. Osteopornosis (n) A degenerate disease. (This one got
extra credit.)

8. Karmageddon (n) It's like, when everybody is sending off
all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth
explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.

9. Decafalon (n.) The grueling event of getting through the
day consuming only things that are good for you.

10. Glibido (v) All talk and no action.

11. Dopelar effect (n) The tendency of stupid ideas to seem
smarter when they come at you rapidly.

12. Arachnoleptic fit (n.) The frantic dance performed just
after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.

13. Beelzebug (n.) Satan in the form of a mosquito that gets
into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast

14. Caterpallor (n.) The color you turn after finding half a
grub in the fruit you're eating.

And the pick of the literature:
Ignoranus (n): A person who's both stupid and an asshole


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