D's Daily Drama (fablespinner) wrote,
D's Daily Drama

  • Mood:

Desparatus Desiderium -- Part IX

You know the drill -- I'm posting unproofread drivel as I write it...

“Desparatus Desiderium”
(Desperate Longing)
T  H  E    I  N  F  I  N  I  T  Y    S  E  R  I  E S
* III *
Author: D. Sanders

The Rest of this un-proofread BS can be Found here:

Part I
Part II
Part III
Part IV
Part V
Part VI
Part VII


“I am scared Sipa. I shall miss you.”

“I will be fine as will you. You will be safer where you are going. Your Hopa and I will pray for you.” Indira said as Kadala joined the embrace.

“Your Sipa is right. I would worry less with you safely away from here. I have faith and I have much hope. All will be right. Xan will take care of you better than we ever could.” Kadala kissed his son’s cheek and wiped his sons tears with his sleeve.

“I love you both. I will do my best.” Kivi said softly as Indira and Kadala moved to the door.

“We know. Xan-ka be well. Be strong.”

“Sipa-ka, Hopa-ka…” Xan bowed to them both. “Be well, I will do all in my power.”

“Eran, Cris, Beau, Val, my dear friends be well and be blessed.” Indira said and everyone replied in kind as Indira and Kadala went home.

Xan turned to Eran. “I will get us packed, we can leave whenever you feel it is best.”

“The less people out and about the better. We’ll leave around midnight.” Eran said and Xan nodded taking Kivi’s hand and leading him to the bedroom so they could pack and get ready for travel.


Eran and Cris left Xan’s chambers to go and discreetly find or steal if they couldn’t find a transport that would get them from point A to point B as inconspicuously as possible. There was no way Eran was going to allow Xan to hire one, the only gossip Eran wanted was the sort he could use to his advantage. Until further notice the only contact Xan would have with other Prima’s were ones Eran personally approved of and had screened.

Val was sent to nonchalantly walk the area, out for a casual stroll to see if he could spot anything peculiar or out of the ordinary. With people as high profile as Xan was, there were always paparazzi and people hanging around trying to get up close or that million-credit image capture of the elusive Lord Indivar. Val’s eyes were wide open as he pretended to take in the architecture of the university buildings.

Beau helped Xan and Kivi pack their necessities, basic clothes and important articles only; everything that could be replaced was left behind. Once they finished Kivi disappeared into the bathroom and came out covered from head to foot.

“No Ki.” Xan said walking over to take off Kivi’s veil.

“Xan we are going outside.”

“I know Ki. You’re never wearing that again. Lead by example go change back. Remember from now on you are Kivi Jui, my mate, my equal you will not hide your face again.” Xan said with compassion, he could guess how difficult this was going to be for Kivi. He took Kivi by the hand and led him back into the bedroom and reached out to remove Kivi’s black robe and he pulled the white and blue one back over Kivi’s shoulders. He’d specifically purchased that for Kivi, he looked beautiful in it. He then sat Kivi down on the edge of the bed and he fastened the star shaped diamond hair jewels back into Kivi’s hair. Another purchase he’d made for his beloved.

“Shine my Beautiful Kivi. Hold your head up proud.”

“I’m so scared.” Kivi said with his hands clasped tightly in his lap. Xan knelt and took those hands in his own and kissed them both.

“So am I Ki. We have much change before us, but think what we gain if we try.” Xan said and Kivi leaned forward to kiss his mate tenderly.

“I will try to be strong even if I feel about ready to shake apart.” Kivi said as Beau gently knocked on the door.

“I’m sorry to interrupt. They’re back. We have an all clear, it’s time to go.” Beau said with an understanding smile as Xan stood and took Kivi’s hand and led him over to a pair of cloaks hanging over a chair.

Xan’s was black with a red lining but he chose to pick up the midnight blue cloak with a white lining and that he placed over Kivi’s shoulders, drawing up the hood over Kivi’s hair. Kivi’s face was framed in soft silk and velvet. The clasp framed the necklace hanging around Kivi’s neck. He looked like romantic nobility from out of a child’s fable. Xan smiled, Kivi’s soft features lent themselves to be showcased in simplistic and radiant splendor. Xan cut a handsome figure at Kivi’s side as he pulled his own cloak on offering his arm to Kivi as they headed to the door.

“We are ready.” Xan said as the others picked up luggage. It would look suspicious if Xan carried his own gear and naturally the “prima” at his side certainly would not lift his own luggage either.

Eran and the others were dressed in black Ounta robes and all had their faces covered. Four humans would also raise too many eyebrows. Eran looked at Kivi. “Remember, hold your head up. You are Lord Indivar’s Mind-Healer come to escort him to the country for healing. You have to play the role Kivi; we know you’re scared. Xan look a little less healthy please. Fake fatigue and lean on Kivi’s arm, make this look good. If we run into anyone you know the story. Are we ready?”

“As ready as we’ll ever be.” Xan took a deep breath to steady his own nerves.

Kivi just swallowed and nodded and Cris led them out followed by Val and Beau. Eran took up the rear behind Kivi and Xan for protection as they made a slow walk from Xan’s chambers down to the waiting transport. Xan managed to look quite ill and Kivi on his arm looked quite concerned for Xan’s state of health. It was a very good act even to Eran’s jaded eyes.

But sure enough, halfway through the main floor lobby, with their transport in sight, a group of young Prima’s stumbled into the front door laughing from a night out. Kivi only flinched minutely but kept his composure.

“Lord Indivar? Are you unwell?” Lord Tibiae slurred half drunk as he swaggered over. To everyone’s shock Kivi spoke.

“My Lord is unwell yes. Please do not hinder our way Lord Tibiae, it is urgent I take him where I may tend his needs.” Kivi said, his voice firm and calm. Lord Tibiae paused noticing Kivi and smiling in unmistakable lust.

“Do I know you my Lord? If not I have been most blind. Sublime you are, positively a most stunning creature. Your scent is most electrifying.” Lord Tibiae slurred eyeing Kivi from head to toe wantonly. Xan straightened.

“You would show better respect to my Mind-Healer. Or ill or not I would strike you down randy cur.” Xan fumed his eyes dangerous. Kivi’s eyes sparked to life and turned to Xan taking Xan’s face in his hands.

“Calm your instincts Xan.” Kivi said turning angry and dancing eyes to Lord Tibiae who noticed Kivi’s eyes and took several steps back before bowing and going to one knee.

“Forgive me. By the Gods grace you have the eyes of Ameretat. Forgive my impudence.” Lord Tibiae sobered almost immediately and his friends also noticing Kivi’s eyes fell in reverence beside their fellow.

“You are forgiven. Pardon us now please. Xan needs me.” Kivi said playing his role well as he and Xan hurried outside the others quick on their heals.

Eran lingered to listen to the rest, the gossip would already begin and in their favor.

“Had I not seen him, I’d not have believed it. Ameretat’s eyes! Surely we would have heard of a noble with such lineage. Who was he?” One asked.

“I don’t know, he and Xan certainly know each other. The jewels Xan has been buying, they were all being worn by the Mind Healer.”

“He was outrageously beautiful. Xan has been hiding him.”

“Obviously, could you not smell they were both in season? They are mates surely.”

“But who is the Mind-Healer? I can’t understand why no one, NO ONE has heard of or seen a man with Ameretat’s Mystic Eyes. What secret is this?”

“Who knows, but I’d lay a wager Lord Indivar will make a formal union announcement soon. I certainly would with a man that divine on my arm.”

“Xan looked on fire. And rumor says he purchased circa tealeaves. A man only drinks that when he is looking to make himself temporarily sterile and with the Healer also in season? They are hiding an affair.”

“Indivar’s suffer the madness during their cycles. It’s well known. It must be part of the reason he is suffering fatigue.”

The conversation continued on in much the same vein and Eran smirked under his veil as he joined the others in the transport and hurried off.

Eran piloted them down the streets and Kivi was in the back with Xan shaking like a leaf. “Calm yourself Kivi love. You were brilliant.” Xan was immensely proud of Kivi.

“I’ll say. I could not have orchestrated that little gem of gossip better. Come morning you Kivi will be big, BIG news. Everyone will be wondering who you are, tongues will wag a mile a minute. It’s like a fucking faerie tale. That sort of gossip is worth its weight in gold credits.”

“Lord Tibiae of all people! He will know Xan. He will figure it out.” Kivi was almost hysterical with fear.

“Kivi, trust me. He’s too stupid to put two and two together. An Ounta to him has zero talent, you showed him your eyes, he’ll never even suspect you were my Ounta.”

“I hope you are right Xan. Oh please I pray to the gods you are correct.”

“Kivi, I wouldn’t worry. You were perfect back there.” Eran laughed and Cris smiled from his seat.

“He’s right Kivi. This will work honestly. Everyone loves a fabulous Cinderella story.”

“A what?” Kivi asked and Beau chuckled.

“Human fairy tale. Cinderella was the poor abused little servant girl whose fairy godmother sent her to the ball where she met Prince Charming and lived happily ever after as his bride.”

“Well, Kivi’s got four fairies of a different sort watching after him, even better.” Cris grinned and once again Kivi looked confused.

“Just stay confused Kivi. Cris is being rude.” Beau said as Eran laughed in the front at Cris’ rude humor.

Xan leaned over amused. “Ki, human males like them who choose to partner the same sex are often called ‘fairies’. It’s a derogatory term.”

“Why would you degrade yourself?” Kivi asked and Cris winked.

“Kivi, we’re just making a joke. It’s no longer funny when you have to explain it. Sorry Kivi, I’ll try to keep my odd sense of humor in check.”

“No please don’t. I like to learn new things. One day I will get your jokes.” Kivi smiled and Cris winked.

“Kivi, sometimes I don’t get his jokes and I’ve been married to him thirty years.” Val laughed as the city vanished behind them and Eran flew them to their destination almost five hours away still in their slow transport.

Somewhere around the third hour everyone’s stomachs were beginning to growl.

“Did anyone remember to bring food?” Cris whined from the co-pilot seat, tired and hungry, not a good combination for his mood or spirits.

“No I didn’t. I am sorry.” Kivi apologized and Cris turned to frown at him.

“Kivi, not your fault kiddo. You had a lot more on your mind. Eran, are we close to any sort of civilization?

“Yes, there’s a small town about five clicks east. We can stop for food. It might be good to let Kivi work his magic on country bumpkins too. It never hurts.”

“What town?” Xan asked from the back.


“I've been there once on my way to the University. There is an Inn with good Food. It’s out of the way a good place to stop. Just a few people out and about this time of morning. Kivi will not be overwhelmed. It’s my usual to choose out of the way places too. I detest crowds so it will not be out of character for me to stop at such a place. However you will have to shed your Ounta disguises if you wish to eat too.”

“Planned on it. We’re now your personal entourage Xan. Personal security for the Mind-Healer.” Eran said with a grin as he found the little Inn just where Xan directed and they landed to get something to eat.

The inn was practically empty at such an early hour; just a few Primas sat at the tables and everyone paused eating as Xan walked in with Kivi on his arm surrounded by four humans.

The Owner hurried over. “Lord Indivar. I am most overjoyed to see you again. You honor us with your presence.” The owner bowed frantically waving his arm to get his serving Ountas over to see to such prestigious guests. Kivi’s eyes looked sad as he watched the Ountas fall all over themselves and when one stumbled, it was second nature for Kivi to reach out a hand to help steady the youth, he hardly looked fourteen years old and was still unsure. Kivi remembered being his age.

Kivi smiled softly as he righted the youth onto his feet. “Be well, there is no hurry young one.” Kivi’s voice was full of compassion and kindness and the youth became lost making eye contact and looking into Kivi’s eyes and he bowed low. Everyone in the room watched the exchange and when they noticed Kivi’s eyes too everyone stood and then knelt.

“Xan, help me.” Kivi said under his breath and Xan chuckled.

“My Mind-Healer would be pleased if you would all refrain from kneeling in his presence. We are but hungry in our travels. DO carry on with your business.” Xan said as a table was prepared for their hungry party and Xan held out a chair for Kivi who gracefully sank into it, wishing he could just crawl under the table and hide.

“Smooth. Very, very good.” Eran was smirking into his menu, if Kivi kept this up he was going to be famous without any help from Eran whatsoever.

“He almost fell. Poor lad was so scared.” Kivi sighed losing his appetite with all the stares being directed at him.

“Kivi love, not forever.” Xan said as the same lad came over again holding out a ribbon of red silk. Kneeling and blushing with his hands shaking, he was giving Kivi a gift. Kivi reached over and lifted the boy’s chin smiling. He held out his wrist and using the Ounta sign language encouraged the youth to tie it on his wrist. To refuse a gift of gratitude was an insult and Kivi would never insult the boy who had nothing to give but a tattered piece of silk.

Xan watched pleased. Kivi was so much like Devapa it made his head swim. So gracious naturally, kind to the core, beautiful, un-assuming and elegant in every movement and gesture, a true noble spirit indeed. After the youth tied the ribbon around Kivi’s wrist Kivi thanked him in sign language and then to every Prima’s shock in the room Kivi placed a chaste kiss on the Boy’s visible forehead and smiled laying a hand to the boy’s covered cheek.

The youth blushed and bowed as he backed out to go back to work. Eran wanted to sing, it was glorious scandal, even Eran was positive Kivi was indeed touched by the gods at this point. He was just perfect.

“My lord Mind-Healer. I am sorry if the boy troubled you.” The Owner said aghast that the Ounta would dare step out of line to present the Mind-Healer with such a ludicrous gift.

“Absolutely not. I am touched. This is probably all he owns in this world, it is most precious and am honored he thought me worthy to give it to.” Kivi said hoping the youth did not get into trouble.

“Very worthy. You humble me.” Xan smiled at his beloved amazed and so very proud.

“Xan, you’ve no need to be humble. You lead me by example. Shall we order?” Kivi asked and Xan nodded.

Everyone ordered and the youth was back again and again making sure drinks were full and all needs were attended. Kivi spoke to him throughout the meal in the Ounta sign language making the boy’s eyes dance with joy.”

“What are you telling him?” Cris asked. Intrigued at the sign language.

“Nothing much really. I asked just now for another napkin.”

“He fancies you.” Xan chuckled and Kivi smiled into his cup.

“I know. He is so young it is a crush and our scents. He will recover when we leave. He reminds me of myself at his age.”

“Surely Mind-Healer you were just as delightful in your youth as you are now. Begging the intrusion. I simply had to come pay my respects.” A tall man, roughly Xan’s age stood there and he nodded at Xan. On his right ring finger was a symbol that mirrored the ring on Xan’s right hand.

Xan stood and held out his hand to the stranger. “I am just Xan. My Mate Kivi.”

The stranger bowed to Kivi who smiled in return.

“I am Sanjay Fadula. I got the message from Indira this morning. I was heading out I presume to the same destination you are.”

“Then please join us my new friend.” Xan said and Sanjay pulled up a chair next to Eran.

“You must be Captain Callum and associated company.” Sanjay held his hand out to Eran.

“You got it in one. Give the man a prize.” Eran smiled as he tried in vain to get used to Sansun coffee. It was horribly weak.

Sanjay laughed as he turned his eyes back to Kivi. “Utterly amazing. Ameretat’s Eyes, I never thought I’d ever see this in my life. I am filled with hope at last.”

“We’ll talk more later. Too many ears about.” Eran said indicating the other Primas watching intently. Kivi especially.

“Prudent.” Sanjay said accepting a cup of tea from Kivi as they finished their meals and Xan chuckled noticing that you could dress his beloved Ounta up, but some habits died hard. Xan just took Kivi’s hand in his to keep him from serving everyone at the table.


As they stood to leave Kivi made sure to make eye contact with the young Ounta and he smiled and gave a small bow as Xan led him back outside by the elbow. Xan nodded his head at the boy as well, the boy looked crushed and Xan paused turning to the boy’s owner.

“The lad is an attentive one. He pleases my Mind-healer, Might I inquire if he is for sale?” Xan asked and the innkeeper smiled.

“For you Lord Xan, yes. But I have more seasoned Ounta’s he is young.”

“But he pleases my healer, how much?” Xan asked as Kivi stood trying not to gape and Eran smirked behind his hand as he went outside to smoke a cigarette.

“One hundred thousand, it is what I paid.”

“Sold.” Xan handed the Prima his credit disk and winked at the astonished boy. “GO collect your belongings lad. We leave, make haste.”

The lad ran so fast he was a blur. Xan paid for the boy, the first Ounta he’d ever purchased and went outside to wait for the boy.

“Xan? What are you doing?” Kivi whispered in shock and query.

“He likes you, he will be loyal to you. We can use every ally and I pity him.” Xan said as the lad raced back outside his eyes shining.

Xan motioned to the transport and everyone piled back inside, Sanjay pulling his own transport over so he could follow behind the others.

Once Eran lifted them off and the doors were shut Xan turned to the boy in the back. “Lean forward lad. Let me take that infernal limiter off.” Xan said and the boy wide-eyed did as told.

“My Xan is spontaneous and he likes to have his way young one. I felt the same when he took my limiter off me.” Kivi smiled and the boy lifted his head in shock as Xan freed him from silence.

“Y-you’re Ounta?” He asked incredulous.

“I am.” Kivi smiled and Xan snorted.

“You’re not anymore. And neither are you boy. What’s your name?”

“Manju, my Lord.” His voice was shaking, and changing. He’d have a deep voice once it settled into manhood like Xan’s rich and deep tones.

“All I ask of you Manju is to be loyal. We are heading into changing times, we can use every friend we can muster and can use every hand.”

“Lord Indivar, I don’t understand.”

“I hardly do myself. We’re taking one day at a time.” Xan smiled and turned to look at Kivi who was amused and content. “You’re worth every step in that journey Ki.”

“As are you Dear Xan-ki.” Kivi replied leaning close to rest against Xan.

“I hate to break your heart Manju, Kivi is mine.”

“I could tell my lord.” Manju smiled feeling suddenly out of sorts and dizzy. Kivi reached over and took his hand.

“You are in much turmoil, I understand all you are feeling right now, I feel it myself. You may always come to me for an understanding ear, I shall ever listen.” Kivi said as Beau turned around in his seat.

“I always wanted to know. I mean I know some humans with talents, but nothing like here. How do you know I mean how can you tell? I don’t feel anything.” Beau asked his curiosity getting the best of him.

“You would not. For lack of a better description, for one who is receptive or talented it is like static electricity. You feel it on your skin even though it is not matter, it is energy.” Xan answered then cocked his head. “I am surprised though you feel nothing. You are quite sensitive, you emote strong emotions when you sing or play. You influence emotions, perhaps you have never been taught to feel, but you certainly know how to project.”

“I always said Beau could move an entire room. I see I was right.” Eran grinned as the scenery flew past the windows outside.

“He can, he does so unconsciously. I would love to test a human’s skills I have always been curious myself the potential if any.”

“Well test away I suppose. I’m afraid you’re not gonna get much out of me.” Beau shrugged and Xan’s eyes glowed as he looked into Beau’s and then he suddenly shut them and turned away in pain.

“Xan!” Kivi picking up on Xan’s distress was instantly alert.

“I will be fine, I met something I did not expect, Kivi needs to touch your mind first. He can heal that damage.”

“What damage?” Beau asked and Xan looked dumbfounded.

“You have been mind raped, someone else has crawled into your mind and caused intense talent mutations. Someone else sensed potential and purposefully tried to destroy it. I have not seen such cruelty since I studied the Tsionic Wars and what they did to their prisoners.”

Beau shuddered. “I was their prisoner once, for a long time.”

“Kivi, please heal him. Embrace his mind with your gifts. This is your talent not mine.”

“I’m alright.”

“You will be better after. You will notice a difference, you are accustomed to the blocks they put on you. It’s like a web of knots, Kivi can instinctively untie them.”

“Let me try Beau. I will not hurt you I promise.” Kivi said and Beau nodded. Eran handed Cris the controls so he could join Beau in the back. He knew the horrors Beau had lived through, he’d not known of the mental torture.

Kivi took Beau’s hands and looked deeply into Beau’s eyes. Almost immediately Beau seemed to go into a hypnotic trance as Kivi’s eyes danced with prismatic light. “I see what you mean Xan. All of Beau’s light is tangled and distorted. Blackness feeding on the light.” Kivi said almost detached as Beau leaned forward almost like a robot and his head rested on Kivi’s shoulder. Kivi embraced him and his eyes closed as his hands stroked Beau’s forehead.

For Several minutes they sat in silence before Beau began to move and blink as if waking from a deep sleep. “That was… I feel high.” Beau was shivering as Eran moved to hold him.

“Do you feel different?” Eran asked expectantly.

“Yes. Good god what is this I’m feeling? I’ve got chill bumps and I saw blue and green lights.”

“You are sensing Kivi and I, the light was Kivi in your mind. He is beautiful when he touches you is he not?”

“It was like floating in space in the middle of the Northern lights. Wow.” Beau blinked trying to adjust. A weight seemed to have lifted that he hadn’t even known existed.

“I hate to sound crude. But I have never been so turned on in my life. I could devour my husband in front of everyone right now and not give a damn.” Beau’s voice was lustful and Eran laughed.

“That’s REALLY a good thing to hear. Pull over Cris!”

“Eran you bastard. I would care after this wore off. What is this?”

“I am sorry Beau. I touched you and I am, well I am in season and I am feeling quite, needy myself. That is my residual touch on you. That will fade.”

“Is this what it feels like to be in season?”


“I am so jealous right now. Wow.”

“You’re jealous? You Horny is one of my favorite pastimes.” Eran grinned and Beau slapped his arm.

Xan laughed. “It sometimes is not so nice when one must travel long distances next to your mate and you can do naught but sit uncomfortably and wait.”

“There is that, we could pull over ya know.” Eran winked and Kivi blushed.

“Xan! Eran! Please it is bad enough to wait in silence.”

“Forgive me Kivi-ki. I know.” Xan placated is reserved lover whose pheromones where protesting being denied for over almost two days. Kivi was fighting his own hormonal woes. It was a good thing both he and Xan only had a day or two more to deal with seasonal distractions. They had both been in season over a week; they were heading out of their cycles.

“What did you do to me Kivi?” Beau asked getting back on topic.

“I shed light on the dark spots.”


“Kivi’s terminology is instinctual. I can tell you there were places in your mind like small black holes. It’s where the Tsions touched you and placed taint on your gifts. There were many. Kivi’s gifts reversed the taint. Think of a purification of cancerous distortions. Kivi needs very little training, he sees things others do not, his gifts are natural and instinctive, whereas mine needed to be controlled and made precise so I did not destroy my Hopa’s rooms or gardens. I could have hurt you by accident, it’s why I pulled away so quickly.” Xan explained and Beau still didn’t know, but he was certainly going to read a few books while he was here and learn what he could. He felt incredible.

“What are those little lights in you? All four of you have millions and millions of them in your minds.” Kivi asked after touching Beau he noticed them in the others.

“Those are probably what keeps us immortal. It’s a long story. Let’s just say we’re not entirely human. We have a symbiotic life-form using our bodies as hosts.”

“They are content lights. Peaceful.” Kivi smiled watching them dance.

“Yeah, they get a free lunch on us.” Eran snorted as the signal beeped on the console.

“Hate to break up the interesting party back there. We got company. We’re getting an incoming transmission from a restricted source.” Cris said and Eran rolled his eyes.

“Do not answer.” Eran said and Cris nodded and blocked the incoming transmission.

“Xan is not taking any calls until his health is much better and the scandal has spread more. We want the planet begging and chomping for information. We’ve got a great start.” Eran said as a beautiful rambling estate appeared on the horizon, surrounded by woods and large open fields.

“Tantawood Castle. My Hopa’s private estate. I always loved it here, he left it to me in his will.”

“God that’s gorgeous. It’s a palace. Look at all the people!” Val gaped out the window. There were bright billowing tents all over the vast lawns and hundreds of men waving in welcome from the gates and on the stairs of the vast white alabaster palace.

“I did not expect so many.” Xan said as they flew over the crowd to land near the large staircase leading into the ancient home of Xan’s family on his Hopa’s side.

“Neither did I. This is a good sign.” Eran said as they landed and prepared to walk out to greet the cheering crowd making a joyful noise.

Their hour had come at last; it was at last time to begin.


  • Post a new comment


    Anonymous comments are disabled in this journal

    default userpic

    Your reply will be screened

    Your IP address will be recorded