D's Daily Drama (fablespinner) wrote,
D's Daily Drama

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Desparatus Desiderium -- Part VI

You know the drill -- I'm posting unproofread drivel as I write it...

“Desparatus Desiderium”
(Desperate Longing)
T  H  E    I  N  F  I  N  I  T  Y    S  E  R  I  E S
* III *
Author: D. Sanders

The Rest of this un-proofread BS can be Found here:

Part I
Part II
Part III
Part IV
Part V


“Shall I record a response?” Cris asked picking up a recorder to point at Eran.

“Absolutely.” Eran said turning to face the lens as Cris hit record.

“Indira. E.T.A. Eight days.” Eran’s messages were always direct and to the point. Cris just turned the camera on himself. “Never mind gloomy. Tell Kadala I’d love some of his almond cookies. Pretty Please.” Cris blew kisses at the camera before shutting of the camera.

“You’re an absolute retard.” Eran rolled his eyes and Cris grinned.

“With an IQ of 222?”

“I’ll 222 you. Send the fucking message.”

Cris laughed and loaded the message on the computer and encrypted it with the code Indira had used on his transmission then sent it back to it's point of origin.


By the following morning with Xan purposefully avoiding his urges to mate, Kivi was well-rested and looking more like himself. Xan however did not escape a scolding when Kivi found him asleep on the couch. “Xan-ki, you did not come to bed last night. You must feel horrible this morning.”

“I’m fine Ki. I wanted you to sleep undisturbed. I will live if I leave my mate be one night.” Xan said sitting up and running a hand through his tangled hair.

“I can smell you all the way in the bedroom. You are in desperate need, please don’t torture yourself for my sake.” Kivi said coming over to kneel in front of Xan who still sat on the low couch.

“I would give you your first lesson before we mate again. I would not torture you for my sake either.” Xan ran his fingers through Kivi’s hair and smiled. Kivi just nodded and leaned into the touch.

“What would you have me do Xan-ki?”

“First let us eat. Then I will show you how to tap into your gifts in a controlled way. Not blindly as you have been doing. You use it up far too fast when you don’t know how to focus.” Xan said taking Kivi’s hand as they moved together into the kitchen. They finished Kivi’s cheese and ate sliced red fruit nestled together on the couch. Xan closed his eyes and drank in the warmth of feeling emanating from Kivi by his side. He could feel love and comfort surround him like a blanket, if he had any doubt of Kivi mistaking love for gratitude; they were washed away as they just sat in silence to share their meal. Xan felt drunk but very alive. Kivi smiled and just turned to lay a kiss on Xan’s cheek.

“You are most content this morning Xan-ki.”

“I am. This is all I ever wanted. Peace and Quiet and a mate by my side who accepts me for who I am not what I am. Kivi you bring me peace of heart, I am blessed.”

“As am I, Dear Xan-ki.” Kivi said still resting his head on Xan’s shoulder as they sat pressed close together on the couch. Kivi took a deep breath and sighed with a pleased coo from the back his throat. “You smell wonderful. I’m getting light-headed.” Kivi added and Xan chuckled.

“Never fear Ki, you will survive. After your lesson I will be about ready to explode with want of mating you again. You can handle my scent until then?”

“Xan, your scent alone is enough stimulation for me. I would not be surprised if you sent me into my own season against my will.” Kivi chuckled sitting up.

Xan smirked. “That’s good to know. Are you ready to begin Ki?”

Kivi nodded and Xan moved to sit on the low coffee table facing Kivi where he sat on the couch. They were eye to eye and Xan held Kivi’s hands in his own.

“This is normally fairly simple. However, you have spent many years behind an instinctual shield. We need you to take it down, and I’m not sure you know how. So first, close your eyes. I want you to imagine yourself floating in a field. Nothing around you for miles and miles, just open up everything, you’re safe in this field. Concentrate on only that.” Xan instructed while erecting a barrier around them both so any outside triggers that had caused Kivi’s shield creation in the first place would not have him slamming up his senses again to block them out.

Xan almost gasped out loud when he felt power flowing in Kivi’s hands. It was much stronger than he’d anticipated. It felt incredible where their hands touched. Kivi was like a peacock’s feathers. Xan felt powers that struck him like a sea of colors. Blue, green and purple hues, extraordinary gifts were flowing in Kivi. “Beautiful Ki. Can you feel me?” Xan asked getting high of sensation.

“Xan… what is this?” Kivi asked confused and with a heavy lust in his voice.

Xan chuckled. “It’s power Ki, yours and mine, which is contained in this barrier around us, mixing and joining where our hands touch one another. We are well mated indeed, our gifts are highly compatible, I could devour you for your gifts alone.”

“I see red and gold fire dancing behind my eyes.”

“That’s me Ki.”

“You are beautiful.” Kivi’s hands were beginning to tremble and his breathing was getting heavy. He was sending off incredible scents. Xan was highly amused and rather smug. Kivi was aroused purely from Xan’s gifts. Xan was too, but he knew how to control it, this was Kivi’s first time and Xan was enjoying watching Kivi’s brush with mental stimulation, which was well known to be even more sexually stimulating than physical attraction.

“Kivi, you are wonderful. Calm down your hormones for a moment, I know power meshing is a wonderful stimulant but I need your focus here with me. We will mate soon, but I have to show you this first before we do, now that we’ve power meshed, you think I was wild before? You need to know how to tame me Ki. I am struggling to maintain control as it is. You are the most beautiful power I’ve ever touched.”

“What do you see Xan?” Kivi asked still lost in sensation but becoming clearer headed.

“Blues and Greens are very dominant. You have sensitive gifts. Empathy is very strong. You have a healing touch, very calm. Had you been born a Prima, I’ve no doubt you would have been schooled in mental healing. I saw a mental healer for many years after the loss of my Hopa.”

“My Sipa’s Sipa is a Mental Healer.”

“Then it’s clear where your gifts are inherited from and how you managed to build your own shields without training. You healed your own mind from stray gifts being used around you and even the ungifted emotions touching you and hurting your empathic reception. It’s remarkable Kivi.”

“Xan, I feel, my head is beginning to hurt.”

“Because you’re wide open Kivi. Don’t close yet, the pain is phantom, you’re not really in danger. Now I want you to open your eyes and look into mine. I am going to teach you how to take control of my mind. I’m going to show you where in my mind to go when I am suffering the madness and how you can heal it. You already have been there once during our first mating. You drove the madness from me, but you drained yourself doing it. I am going to show you how little power it actually takes.”

Kivi opened his eyes and Xan nearly lost himself to shock. Kivi’s eyes were swirling with color. Blue seas churning with gifts and glowing with inner light, hints of metallic green and purple catching the light in the dominant blue, Kivi had mystic eyes and they were mesmerizing.

“Ki. You are touched by the gods.” Xan took a moment to kneel before Kivi and laid his forehead against Kivi’s knees.

“Xan? What are you doing?”

“Showing you the proper respect my Ki. I have heard but have never seen one with the touch of the ancient ones.”

“What are you talking about? Xan I am confused.”

“Kivi, you have mystic eyes, you don’t have sixth sense, I was mistaken. You know things before they happen, you feel things others, even I cannot. You have been touched for greater things.” Xan was almost shaking with awe and still had not risen where he knelt before Kivi.

“Xan? I don’t understand.”

“Kivi, have you ever heard the story of First-Hopa Ameretat?”

“Xan we all have. He did great things, the first gifted one, he saved our race from extinction. He was the first Hopa Host after the comet mutation-plague and we became one gender, every child has heard his tale from his Hopa.”

“You have his eyes Kivi. You have his gifts. I cannot close my eyes to the portent of this. We will see change in our world for good or for ill there will be changes. You know as well as I upon his death it is written he vowed to return to heal a ‘great wound’. I can think of no wound as painful to Ameretat, who loved his race, as the division of our people. My skin is tingling Kivi. I have clairvoyance gifts to a degree. That sense is making every hair on my body stand on end.”

“Xan I am not Ameretat, any more than you are. We are all related to him if you can draw your lineage back that far. That was ten thousand years ago.”

“No, but he is in you Kivi. No one, NO ONE has had eyes like yours in over five thousand years, not since Ameretat’s bloodline diluted too much to draw a direct line to him. Look in the mirror Ki. See for yourself.” Xan said taking Kivi over to the mirror hanging above the mantle.

Kivi turned to the mirror and looked at his reflection and just stood there in shock as his eyes danced with light and shifting shades. “Xan…”

Xan stood behind Kivi with a look of affection and pride and wrapped his arms around Kivi’s shoulders. “See Kivi. I knew the moment I met you, you were special, you were destined for great things. I am blessed to be your mate, you will heal our people, not I.”

“Xan. What is happening?”

“I don’t know Kivi. But I can’t help seeing direct correlations. Jamari, First-Sipa was an Indivar. Ameretat’s life mate, history is repeating itself. I’m getting chills thinking how we are pawns of the Gods right now. It is either extreme coincidence, or Ameretat’s words are coming to be. I tend to lean toward the romantic outrageous myself. Jamari died of grief when Ameretat passed. I don’t find it too hard to imagine that if Ameretat was reborn, Jamari would follow.”

“Xan you are insane. It is a romantic notion, but really, it is outrageous. I am not a great person, I am just Kivi.”

“I’m sure Ameretat said that too. It’s the deeds that linger after the mortal life fades.”

“Xan… we are arguing again.”

“When are we not disagreeing Ki?” Xan chuckled and Kivi just shook his head and smiled at Xan’s reflection in the mirror.

“Come, I have a feeling this lesson will be fairly easy for you. Humor my hunch.” Xan said taking Kivi back to the sofa to continue the lesson.

“What do you wish me to do?” Kivi asked as they took up their previous seats and faced each other.

“Look in my eyes, I am going to think of something. You tell me what I am thinking. I want to test your probing abilities.”

Kivi did as told and blushed. “XAN!”

Xan laughed and winked. “What did you see?”

“Something best left in our bed. Shame on you.”

Xan laughed, Kivi was correct he was thinking of doing rather intimate things to his mate, Kivi was sharp.

“Okay for real this time, pardon my joke Ki. What do you see now?”

“My Sipa.”


“Your book on the table.”


“Xan, stop! STOP!” Kivi shook, the image had been of a Beautiful Man, but the emotions tied to the image were strong and swirling with despair. Xan just held Kivi’s hands.

“That is not real pain Kivi, block out the emotion and look at the image.”

“I can’t Xan. Your pain is real I cannot tune that out.” Kivi said shutting his eyes and trying to lean away from Xan.

“You can, you have to learn this Kivi. Try again.” Xan said holding onto the image of his Hopa in his mind and forcing Kivi to conquer his fears and learn how to control his empathy. It was vital he learn this.

Kivi tried again and was blinded by Xan’s emotions, Kivi wept with the pain but Xan held him and forced Kivi to keep his shields down when he felt Kivi instinctively try to throw them back up.

“Keep trying Kivi. Just see my image tune out my emotions. Separate the two. You can do this, pick them apart and block the emotions.”

“How?” Kivi sobbed and Xan rubbed the back of Kivi’s hands with his thumbs.

“You know how Kivi. Just concentrate, you can tell the difference between thought and feeling. Just think logically. You can do this.” Xan encouraged feeling horrible for putting Kivi through this, but he did need to learn. Once he mastered this first obstacle the rest would be simple.

When Xan felt Kivi trying to erect a specific barrier he gave him the freedom to do so. A filter was different than a full barrier. Kivi was used to blocking everything out. He needed the ability to poke holes in his protections to let useful information through. “That’s it Kivi. Perfect.”

Kivi let out an audible sigh as Xan’s strong emotions became tolerable and he was able to focus on the memory image without added turmoil. “He was beautiful.” Kivi said softly as he focused on the man from Xan’s mind.

“Inside and out. Like you Ki.” Xan smiled leaning forward to place a gentle kiss to Kivi’s brow. “I know that was painful. But you did it, I knew you would.”

“I feel like my skin is tingling. What am I feeling?”

“The power around you. You used to block it all out and only felt a minute brush of power that would affect you directly. You are now sensing ancillary powers; the things going on around you that don’t affect you directly but are still always present. You can filter these out too; I do unless I need to know what’s going on around me. Put your shields back up and just focus on letting me in. I’m going to teach you how to pinpoint and concentrate now.”

Xan allowed Kivi to put his shields back in place and then he felt Kivi open up a direct link only to Xan. “You are a very fast learner. Perfect.”

“I like this feeling. I feel connected to you.”

“Because we are. Well you to me. Now feel the returned connection.” Xan said making his own connection to Kivi completing the link.

“I cannot explain what I’m feeling. This is almost euphoric.” Kivi sighed as Xan and he meshed.

“This we leave in place Kivi. You will always know where I am, and I you. If one of us is in need, the other will know. If one of us is suffering the madness, no matter where we are we can tame it. You will not even need to touch me Kivi. You could be across the continent and still heal me. And likewise, I can protect you, through you. If you are in danger I can use my gifts through you as a conduit. You will ever be safe. We are a combined entity.”

“What do you mean through me?” Kivi asked and Xan smiled.

“Like this Kivi.” Xan demonstrated by closing his eyes and moving to fill Kivi’s senses. Kivi gasped as he felt Xan enter his mind and take control of Kivi’s movements. Kivi ‘s hand raised and the book on the table raised and flew into Kivi’s hand. Xan was a very strong telekinetic and had used his talents through Kivi’s mind.

“I felt as If I had stepped out of my body, but I was still there.” Kivi said as Xan released him and he sat holding the book.

“That’s because you’re technically correct. I borrowed your mind and used my gifts in your body. You can do that to me in return. I have a heightened sense already where my weak empathy is concerned. You amplify my weak gifts because you are strong where I am not. We each have strengths and weaknesses alone. Together we are strong Kivi, very strong. I was not wrong when I said we compliment each other. This was before I got a taste of your gifts properly. I am most pleasantly surprised and amazed at how we seem to fit together almost too perfectly.”

“I would agree with you there. I am finding life suddenly very overwhelming.”

“Me too Ki. But I am overjoyed to have you.”

“Xan-ki, I have never been happier. I have never felt so utterly at peace even though the world around me is terrifying, I feel for the first time hope.”

“Hope. A very appropriate word, I have many hopes now where before I had none.” Xan said moving to hold Kivi where they sat on the sofa.

“What do you hope for Xan?” Kivi asked as he sank into a warm embrace.

“You know Kivi. They mirror yours.”

“But it is nice to hear it spoken.” Kivi said and Xan held him tightly.

“I hope for freedom. I hope for a life by your side. I hope for a son one day I can raise in a world without slavery.”

“Xan, even if we try we succeed.”

“Very true Kivi. Even defeat is honorable if you try.” Xan said tracing the spots on Kivi’s shoulder with a finger. Kivi shuddered with growing pleasure.

“You smell wonderful Kivi. Are you?”

“Xan, the moment you meshed with me I connected to you in ways that are unbelievable. I have gone into my cycle, even my heart is beating in time with yours.”

“I thought so. It happens with all gifted life-mated partners, bodies will synchronize involuntarily because of the connection. I’m not surprised you’ve gone into season early to match my cycle.” Xan chuckled stroking Kivi’s back in lazy patterns.

“We’d best be very careful. You have a knack of hitting my chamber Xan. As much as I would desire it, it is unwise for us right now, and I am known not to think clearly when I am in season, but I told you this already.”

“I know. I have already taken precautions. I made circa tea this morning and drank it all. I will not be fertile once it takes effect. It takes about eight hours; we need to abstain a little longer yet. It’s why I slept out here, I need to be shooting blanks first, I knew this would happen.”

“You are most wise My Xan and thank you. Circa tea tastes awful.”

“I know, but it works.” Xan chuckled as Kivi sat up to face him, his eyes still shimmering like stars. He had settled into his powers even better than Xan had anticipated.

“Are you as hungry as I?”

“Yes. Famished. We worked hard we should eat or we will be suffering headaches later.” Xan said standing and taking Kivi’s hand they went to prepare the mid-day meal together.


Off to get ready, I'm actually LEAVING my computer this weekend, Going out with Jason and Randy to go see Phantom of the Opera.

Nothing is more fun than going to see Broadway Musical Movies than with your overly animated Gay Friends, I wonder how Loud Randy will sing along. And how far under his seat Jason will be able to crawl...:PPPPPP We can duet, I did play the Prima Donna role in the college rendition we did way back when. Heh heh.

Fun Fun.

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