D's Daily Drama (fablespinner) wrote,
D's Daily Drama

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Desparatus Desiderium -- Part IV

You know the drill -- I'm posting unproofread drivel as I write it...

“Desparatus Desiderium”
(Desperate Longing)
T  H  E    I  N  F  I  N  I  T  Y    S  E  R  I  E S
* III *
Author: D. Sanders

The Rest of this un-proofread BS can be Found here:

Part I
Part II
Part III


Xan smiled as he bent to kiss the man in his arms. The kiss was long and deep and perhaps the most perfect kiss Xan had ever experienced. Kivi was a perfect compliment and he’d be a fool to deny they meshed together as if it were fate dictating their lives.

“I want to see you in your present and nothing else.” Xan purred into Kivi’s neck.

Kivi complied with a smile.


Xan stepped back to admire the view. Every time he looked, the more he saw that struck a chord. Every Sansui had a pattern on their skin that ran from their temples, over their shoulders and down their arms and spines. Kivi’s pattern was as graceful as the man himself. Small elegant spots that tapered away to his wrists and tailbone.

Xan’s were more diamond shaped and hard in comparison. He was a complete harsh comparison to Kivi. He was taller and broader of shoulder. His face was angular and regal, with large golden eyes and long black hair that hung to his waist. He usually kept that tied back at the nape of his neck to keep it from falling into his face.

Kivi’s hair was much shorter and it tapered to frame his chin with a few longer wisps down the back of his neck kissing his shoulders. It was obviously long overdue for a cut and kept short for ease of containing it under a head covering. Xan loved it just as it was, Kivi looked divine slightly rumpled and totally natural.

Kivi smiled and crossed his arms over his chest. “Are you through staring yet?”

“Not even close. You take my breath away.”

“You seem to be breathing just fine.” Kivi chuckled collecting his clothes off the floor. Xan’s eyes followed as he bent over and he whistled low through his teeth.

“You have a beautiful pattern. I can’t stop looking at you.”

“I get my pattern from my Hopa.”

“You got everything from him. I could see the unmistakable resemblance.” Xan said as he followed Kivi as he folded and put his clothes aside.

“I do look like him. I have my Sipa’s hands though. We both have long fingers.” Kivi grinned holding up his hand with overly long fingers.

“You got your Sipa’s talents I suspect. But I don’t want to start lessons quite yet. I’m having far too much fun chasing you around this room. Will you stop cleaning or fussing for two minutes together?” Xan asked as Kivi went into the kitchen and finish putting the leftovers away and pulling out a clean plate and knife and some crackers.

“They will go bad if I don’t put them away and I am about to share my Emergence Day present with you. That is why I am fussing.”

“You don’t have to share with me, that’s yours you enjoy it.” Xan held up his hands in protest.

“I would enjoy it more if you would share it with me. It is wonderful.” Kivi said moving to sit by the fire and patting the floor indicating Xan should join him.

“Wait, I have something else for you too.” Xan said remembering the mead in his bag. He retrieved glasses from the cabinet and the bottle and poured them both the sweet honey wine and setting the glasses on the low coffee table, stripped to his own skin before joining Kivi on the floor where he was slicing thin pieces of cheese and laying them on wafer crackers.

Once settled, Xan passed Kivi a glass and held up a toast. “Long life, health and happiness. Happy Emergence Day Kivi.”

“It is the happiest already.” Kivi drank closing his eyes to savor the sweet wine. “That will go to my head if I am not careful.”

“Easy to get plastered on mead, it’s sweet.” Xan grinned.

“It is very nice. You spoil me Dear Xan.”

“You deserve it.” Xan said tucking Kivi’s hair behind a graceful pointed ear. Kivi just smiled and slid closer holding a cracker up to Xan’s lips.

“Taste.” Kivi almost whispered and Xan allowed Kivi to feed him the morsel. It was indeed a wonderful cheese. Mild but full of flavor and the mead complimented the cheese well.

“Isn’t that divine?” Kivi asked and Xan swallowed.

“It is. You have excellent taste. Here it’s my turn.” Xan said reaching for a cracker to feed to Kivi. Xan of course, ever one to take advantage of a moment tormented Kivi and kept pulling the morsel just out of reach until Kivi was practically sprawled on top of him open mouthed and following Xan’s retreating hand.

Xan finally relented once Kivi was pressed against his chest and he feed Kivi his bite and Kivi melted in bliss.

“You have a mean streak Dear Xan.” Kivi scolded as Xan held him close.

“I do. But I have you where I want you, so I win.” Xan said picking up another cracker and being nice this time to feed it to Kivi. Their positions from earlier reversed and it was Kivi lounging in Xan’s lap being pampered.

Kivi just nodded, content to lie in Xan’s arms and eat from his fingers. Xan for his part had never been this intimate with another. He had taken lovers to his bed, but never any he was this infatuated with. He wanted to watch Kivi’s reactions to everything. The way his eyes went wide first with joy and then closed languidly in ecstasy as he savored taste. The way his lips turned up into a smile every time Xan touched him either physically or emotionally. The way his voice sounded like warm honey and made Xan’s hair stand on end. The curve of his neck when he swallowed, the arch of his back when he stretched, those long dark eyelashes kissing the tops of his cheeks and long fingers tracing Xan’s pattern on the back of his forearm.

They finished the crackers and Kivi with a heavy sigh sat up to place the cheese away in the cooling unit before it spoiled. “Allow me, stay here.” Xan said tugging Kivi back softly into his arms and Kivi watched amazed as the cheese floated across the room and Xan used his gifts to put it away.

“That is a handy trick.” Kivi chuckled and Xan leaned over and planted a kiss on Kivi’s shoulder.

“One I will teach you.”

Xan felt Kivi tense a little and Xan carried on kissing Kivi’s shoulder soothingly. “I know that scares you love. I will protect you.”

Kivi turned and wrapped his arms around Xan’s neck laid his forehead against Xan’s. His eyes looking deeply into Xan’s as he spoke. “Of that I do not doubt my Dear Xan. I am so very blessed.” A Tear ran down Kivi’s cheek and Xan reached up to wipe it away.

“I am the one who should say that Kivi. I’ve never in my life felt so free. I love you.”

“I love you too. I feel like I am flying.”

Xan smiled. “This is flying my Kivi.” Xan said and Kivi laughed as he was suddenly suspended from the ground weightless and under Xan’s control. Xan stood and took Kivi’s hands and spun him around the room.

Kivi’s laughter was like music filling the room as Xan made him fly around the room. “Xan! Xan, stop you are making me dizzy.” Kivi finally begged and He drifted into Xan’s arms. Xan carried him toward the bedroom and laid him on his bed.

“Too much wine Kivi?” Xan asked crawling on top of Kivi on the bed.

“No. I am fine, I am dizzy with you spinning me.”

“But did you enjoy it?”

“You know I did.” Kivi grinned as Xan pinned him to the bed.

“You do realize I plan on not getting a wink of sleep tonight don’t you?”

“Yes.” Kivi purred running his foot up Xan’s leg.

“I take it you don’t mind?”

“Does it look like I mind?” Kivi asked taking Xan’s hand to show him the obvious since it seemed his beloved prima had suddenly gone blind.

“Mmmmm. Well I did notice that…” Xan’s voice dipped low as his hand slowly encircled Kivi and stroked him softly as his lips traced Kivi’s collarbone. Xan’s nostrils flared as he picked up on Kivi’s aroused pheromones. Then he sensed his own surge to the surface, he’d been due for a heat cycle and Kivi had just sent him over the edge. He saw red and was nearly feral as his hand gripped harder and his teeth nipped at Kivi’s earlobe.

Kivi’s laughter tickled his spine. “Xan, you smell wonderful. Did you just go into heat?”

“Yes, you bastard. Look what you do to me.” Xan growled trying to reign in his senses.

“Be glad my cycle is over and I’m not inclined to be a Sipa.” Kivi chuckled rolling Xan to his back to straddle his legs.

Kivi’s internal oil glands were responding to Xan’s stimulation and scent and he was more than ready to mate with this man. He was sexually inclined as a Hopa, he always had been, it seemed this was another aspect that made he and Xan so compatible. Xan was most definitely an aggressive Sipa. His golden eyes had gone red, he was primal and panting and Kivi was not going to make him go mad with need any longer. He lowered himself onto Xan’s engorged length and choked back a sob of bliss as he was filled.

“Kivi!” Xan threw his head back and gripped Kivi’s thighs. Kivi allowed Xan to control the tempo at first, Xan needed to calm down a little, he was on fire.

Kivi ran his hands up Xan’s broad chest and brought his lips to Xan’s ear. “Breathe my Xan. Don’t let the fire take you yet.”

“Too late Kivi. By the Gods you are incredible.”

“Those are your hormones talking. Look into my eyes.” Kivi commanded and Xan did, looking deeply into shimmering blue. They were hypnotic and he felt the storm ebbing inside, like calm rain, washing the heat away. Kivi moved slowly in an even tempo and the red fell from Xan’s eyes and they turned golden again, the urgency was gone. Xan rolled them over and took control, never breaking contact with Kivi’s glowing eyes.

Xan panted Kivi’s name over and over as he mated with such a glorious and talented creature. Kivi’s body responded to every minute shift in Xan’s and then Xan struck a spot that had them both seeing stars.

“XAN!” Kivi cried out and Xan couldn’t help the smirk that spread across his face. He’d entered Kivi at just the right angle and he could feel he’d entered Kivi’s pearl chamber. It felt incredible and it was a very good thing Kivi was not in season because it felt too good to stop and Kivi was writhing in passion beneath him, it was a very sensitive spot for a Hopa and within moments of Xan hitting him just right, Kivi came hard and fast.

When Kivi lost eye contact, Xan lost himself to the moment and his eyes turned red again and he was driving Kivi to the point of no return and within minutes of Kivi succumbing to the passion, Xan followed him in release.

Once he’d reached his climax the fire ebbed in his belly and his eyes returned to normal and Kivi was there wiping his sweaty brow and kissing him fervently.

“Xan, how do you feel my love?” Kivi asked concerned and Xan just smiled.

“I am much better for that. I am sorry I had to go into season our first mating.”

“Xan, you are fierce. You suffer the madness when you go into season. Your eyes changed.”

“I know love. But you controlled me, even untrained you are gifted.” Xan pulled Kivi into his arms to hold.

“You are hard to control, you are much stronger than I. Forgive me for losing myself, but you made me see stars there.” Kivi laughed softly feeling drunk with pleasure. No partner he’d ever mated with had ever found his chamber. Xan struck it the first time and repeatedly.

“You felt incredible. Was that your chamber I hit?”

“Could you not tell?” Kivi laughed propping himself up on an elbow to smile down upon his lover.

“I thought so. I must remember that angle for future reference.” Xan waggled his eyebrows and Kivi laughed.

“Yes, you’d better.” Kivi grinned, leaning over to kiss Xan’s nose.

“You like being a Hopa don’t you?”

“Given the choice? Yes. Although if you desire it, you won’t hear me complaining about taking on a Sipa position either.”

“I prefer Sipa, but I do occasionally like being Hopa. But for sex only, I have no desire of being a Hopa Host or passing a pearl.”

“Really? Oh I do. I know it hurts, but I want to be a Hopa someday. My body giving life to another, I find it fascinating.”

Xan smiled and reached up to cup Kivi’s cheek. “What a wonderful Hopa you would be too. One day perhaps I will see you holding our son.”

Kivi’s eyes grew sad and he took Xan’s hands and kissed them. “Xan. We cannot. As much as that makes me joyful to hear you say that it is not the same for you and I as it is for my parents. You are too high in rank, you will have to make a proper union with someone and they will bear your children. Not I. They would kill me before your son ever took breath and you know that.”

“Kivi, I have no intention of making any one else my mate but you. You are worth fighting for and if I can’t change the world for us, I will take you from it and we will go where we can be together. I will have you and no one else.”

“Xan, they would never let us leave.”

“Do you doubt me?”

“No, but I know how this world works. It will not change in our lifetime, no matter how much we wish it too.”

“I’ll prove you wrong.”

“I hope so my Love. I hope so. Nothing would make me happier than to be yours outside of this room.”

“I will make it happen.”

Kivi looked up into Xan’s eyes, he was deadly serious. Kivi felt hope stir in his breast. “Xan I believe in you. I will follow you everywhere.”

“You’d better or I’ll chase you down.” Xan smiled and Kivi laughed and crawled into Xan’s arms.

“Yes, you probably would.” Kivi said as they nestled together in bed and Xan waved a hand to extinguish the lights.

“I would. I love you Kivi. I’m getting jealous just thinking of your other lovers.”

“Xan, shame on you. I’ve only known a few and none like you. Like you can honestly tell me you have never mated. I would not believe you.”

“I’m just stating the truth.” Xan yawned he was exhausted.

“Go to sleep my Xan.”

“Stay with me, please sleep here.”

“I will stay.”

“My Kivi, I will have you as my formal mate one day, I promise you.”

“Xan, please do not make such promises you may not be able to keep. You love me, that is enough for my heart.”

“I do love you.”

“I love you too. Please rest, you are tired and spent. The madness is hard on you. Please sleep.”

“Goodnight my Kivi.”

“Goodnight Dear Xan.” Kivi stroked Xan’s hair as he drifted to sleep. Once Xan was deep asleep Kivi wandered over to the window and watched the stars for a while. He wanted nothing more than to be that man’s mate and host his children.

There were some dreams still far from their grasp and if Xan wasn’t going to keep his feet grounded, Kivi would. They were already in too deep; Kivi’s life was already forfeit if anyone discovered their love.

Loving Xan was a double-edged sword. To love him like this was signing his own death warrant.

Xan was worth the price, even if it ended in the morning, Kivi would die knowing what real love felt like in his heart. He would die knowing he was loved in return.

“Kivi come to bed.” Xan mumbled and Kivi silently obeyed and let Xan hold him while he slept.

It was much later before Kivi’s mind allowed him to find his own rest. He was too scared, too lost, too confused and too much in love to settle. When he finally did find sleep the sun was already beginning to rise.


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