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Why even bother?

Ego's are very fragile and mine's no exception....

I always manage to post something at the exact same time as someone else.... (be it a fic or a pic. It happens every time.)

It's very depressing and I want to just hang it all up and quit really most times.

LJ has REALLY brought that point home... I hate feeling jealous, it's a HORRIBLE thing to feel.

I can't help it though, and I can't begrudge the people with the massive fan base either since I'm one of them.

It's just I want to go and bang my head against the wall toss in the towel, I guess I just don't draw or write for the masses.

I'm a sap whore, I don't write PWPs and I don't draw it either really.

I mean I *have* before, it's just not something that floats my boat. Once or twice was enough for me. I never written/drawn Bondage or NCS cause well I really don't like it at all.

I must be in the distinct minority there.

Because the numbers don't lie.... you want recognition in any fandom... pander to smut.

Not that smut a BAD thing, but my GOD there is MORE OUT THERE THAN *JUST* SEX, SEX, SEX!

Call me old fashioned I guess, I happen to like an emotional heartstring drama romance, or hysterical Satire, or just mundane generic filler fluff to a series once in a while. A nice beautifully detailed, flowing robe bish with a sensual tease of fold that hides bits creatively and just showcases the BEAUTY of nudity as opposed to "spooge", torture sex, orgies, and cum shots. Again, not that I don't appreciate those too, but it seems that ONLY THOSE sorts of things get ANY recognition really.

Again, I think I'm in the minority again.

Because I've tried to do what I like, I try to be witty, and creative without caving into peer pressure and it does not work and your ego gets battered repeatedly.

So I'm gonna go crawl under my rock and hide and do the self-pity thing for about an hour and lick my wounds.

I really hate feeling all jealous like this, it sucks ROCKS.

Because I really like the *people* (as peers and friends) I get so insanely jealous over.

There's the irony I suppose. You can't hate them, even when they make you feel worthless.

Because they aren't doing it on purpose and they ARE talented.

They deserve the accolades, I just wonder why the things that get the most feedback usually contain naught but sex or rape or whips or all of the above.

It really confuses me, I'm not a prude either.



( 20 comments — Leave a comment )
Sep. 9th, 2003 07:16 pm (UTC)

Trust me, you are not alone.

While I do enjoy good smut (I wouldn't have created the Lavender Room if I didn't), I enjoy a well written story or nicely done artwork even more. And I definitely prefer sensual over graphic any day.

Sep. 9th, 2003 07:30 pm (UTC)
First of all, you are not a prude. Trust me on this one. My mother was a prude (granted she had a good reason, but still). I am a born-to-be prude who struggles to break my mother's molding. I recognize prudishness when I see it and you are not it.

Now that that's out of the way.. I adore your work. Everyone I know adores your work. That Aya/Omi pic you drew me? I loved it! I showed it to all my A/O friends and they raved! No clue why they raved at me and not you, but they did. They all wanted to know if you had any more... or just more WK in general.. And I'm glad you don't draw non-con or BDSM (it's okay as a background plot device, but rape for the sake of rape? no way, no how, no why..). You don't need to. My fave GW piece of yours will always be the 1+R one you did for my non-hentai art contest.. It was gorgeous.. I printed it out and put it up on the wall above my compy desk in my old apartment.

And the jealousy thing? Perfectly natural... I feel it all the time with my fanfics. When I write a story that gets no comments from anyone, I think I'm a horrible writer and that no one likes my stuff and I should just chuck it all... Which is silly really.. I hardly ever comment on anyone else's stuff... How many other people out there are just like me? Read it (saw it), loved it, too damn lazy (or busy) to write a review?


Now... Did I help or just make it worse?

Sep. 9th, 2003 07:47 pm (UTC)
If its any consolation...you are probably the only fanfic author I've actually kept up with. I could always count on your stories for smiles and tears and a happy ending. I could never stop reading them either. They have substance and are written with an enormous amount of talent.

I know how it feels to be jealous of people you respect. I wish I could write half as well as you and lately I've been stuck in writer's block hell.

So..anywho...you've always got a fan in me no matter what other people prefer.

Sep. 10th, 2003 02:14 am (UTC)
Whenever I post something like this I think people take it wrong.

It's more curiosity in GENERAL on why SMUT gets such clammoring drooling fangirl "Booyahs"

when stuff that I can tell people LABORED HOURS over get ignored.

Not just "ME" and I was feeling jealous yes, but I was more just confused over the whole concept in general.

Sep. 10th, 2003 05:31 am (UTC)
Hmmmm....I guess that one might forever remain a mystery.

It's so true though....people seem to be more into fandom for smut and quick plots than something long, drawn out thats filled with effort and actually makes you think.

In all honesty I prefer something where the hard work is apparent.

Sep. 9th, 2003 09:26 pm (UTC)
You're hardly a prude. *snuggle*

It's those romances, and the sweetly beautiful, or subtly erotic pictures/fiction that I personally find are the truly memorable ones. Smut and kink are fun, but for me, both drawing and reading it is more instant gratification than anything else.

And, even if you are in the minority, at least it's a tasteful minority. ^_~

*love and hugs*
Sep. 9th, 2003 10:18 pm (UTC)
That's my Confusion some one will say "Oh you did..."

And it's always one of the above feel good things... so *WHY* do they never give any sort of recognition at the time it's POSTED?

Yet someone tosses up a raunchy sexpose and it gets 30 million responses in 15 minutes.

THAT's my *IRK* and what I think does more egos more damage.

It's kinda nice to hear you did a good job *when* you did it, not 3 years later and you only mention it as an after thought. "Yeah you did that pretty thing a long time ago I forget exactly what it was but will you do me a favor....."

I call those the "Butter Up Bribes to get you to do something." type of feedback.

It's the balance on the scale of feedback in general that causes down spirits. AT least for me.

If you don't pander, they may still like it, but they won't tell you they did.

If you pander to smut service they will take the minute and 30 seconds to feedback/comment AND then tell everyone and their brother/uncle/cousin to "GO LOOK WHAT SO AND SO DID!!!!"


That's twisting the knife in the already unbalanced world of feedback IMO


I crave feedback, like everyone else. I like to hear you liked something I did.

That's why I feedback 100% of the time. It's only fair if I read it or look at it and I liked it, I'm going to tell you so.

If I didn't like it, well that's another matter. I won't give crit unless it's ASKED for.

But I feel it's my OBLIGATION as part of the community.

I want it, so I had damn well better give it back, it's the right thing to do.

I guess I'm just a different generation.

Sep. 10th, 2003 12:15 am (UTC)

Like I said in my reply earlier.. I'm lazy. I almost never give feedback on anything unless someone asked for my opinion personally... I thought I'd always been offusive in my praise of both your 1+R stuff and the A/O thing you did.... and honestly, those are always the ones that stand out in my mind ^_^;;; I'm simple like that.

I try to keep up replies on my own ML but other than that? I'm afraid I tend not to.. Which is bad of me and I really do need to change that. Usually, if I do reply... first of all, it's cuz I liked it (I never flame) and secondly, it's because it doesn't look like hardly anyone else replied.

Honestly, until you said something I'd never noticed that you weren't getting a ton of feedback. Back when we were all prolific on GWFF, it seemed like everybody replied about your stuff... And shamefully, I just assumed it was still like that. (yes, I know... ass outta you and me... ^_^;;)

From now on I'll do better! Not just for you, but for any story I read that I like and any art that I see that I like... cuz you're right... How can I expect feedback if I don't offer it?

Sep. 10th, 2003 02:08 am (UTC)
Back in those prolific days we had 100 members 30 who talked and we were all friends and we used that list like a glorified chatroom


Things Feedback wise FANDOM WIDE have changed drastically over the years.

No one gets what they deserve.

Sep. 10th, 2003 03:39 am (UTC)
Hai, hai...

And then there's the tiny little fact that I just don't ready GW fics anymore. Burnt too, too many times content-wise. I still look at the occasional pic (your 3+4's usually, no one seems to draw 1+R much anymore) but really, I'm pretty much completely out of the fandom.

I doubt many people there would even recognize my name anymore. ^_^ And it wasn't a chat room! It was a community center.. It was were all our muses gathered and tortured us... *sighs* those were the days.

I need to go to your website and look at your non-GW stuff... Besides my A/O pic, the only other things I can think of that I've actually seen are your Gravi pics. (cute, BTW) Where can I find the link to your arts page? ^_^;;;
Sep. 10th, 2003 05:13 am (UTC)
I'm one of those people who's fairly bad at giving feedback.*smacks hand* Usually because I'm doing things while I'm surfing around, and when I do give feedback I'd like to try and say something at least marginally substantial, or I make mental note that I need to remember to look at suchandsuch and then forget, or most frequently I save those special things to look at/read at a time when I can properly appreciate them ...and then forget to feedback, like the little flake I am. ^^;

I think sometimes getting comments/raves on smut is part of the instant gratification thing. It's far easier to say a simple "that's hot" than explain how a pic really gives you a feeling of peacfulness and you love the way the shadows play across the figure's skin. Although, yes, the whole thing is pretty skewed, and I don't really understand it either.

The majority of feedback (and traffic) I get is to my adult images, and most of it is filled with requests for more smut and more kink, and not so much for the things that I really pour my heart into. It does get powerfully discouraging at times, yet I know that those romantic things are appreciated by my friends and the people whose opinions I really treasure.

Sep. 10th, 2003 10:05 am (UTC)
Smut is smut. I'm less likely to comment on it than anything else, though I will read it if that's what I'm in the mood for... But honestly I prefer plot. And nice, tastefully done piece of err.. adult artwork is nice, but even with someone like P.L.Nunn, renowned for her her... err..adult artword... My 2 fave pics by her are 1) an Aya/Omi fully clothed 'hug' and 2)one of the scene pics from one of her Ronin Warrior stories.

And if I'm not mistaken on whoponderosa121 is(and please forgive me if I'm wrong) I mostly like your Jean/Yu stuff- clothed or not. ^_^;;;, ne, I really I hope I have the right person, cuz I'm gonna feel silly if I don't.

But either way, it's the couple that draws my eyes, not really what their doing.

(sorry if you get this twice, D)
Sep. 10th, 2003 02:10 pm (UTC)
My favourite PL Nunn picture would have to be G rated as well. :p I've noticed that I have a reputation for drawing smut, and yet when I was converting my galleries to a new format that only 10% of my images were above a PG-13 rating. It kinda makes me wonder if I'd have nearly as big of a 'fanbase' (guh, I feel pretentious even saying that) if I'd only stuck to non-explicit pics. XP

And yes *points at icon* that's me. ^_^ I really need to get some more Spriggan stuff up, I've got oodles lying around. That, and finish my fic. *topples*
(Deleted comment)
Sep. 9th, 2003 11:31 pm (UTC)
I've been wandering about on your site for some time and you are a talented writer from what I've been reading. And no I don't think you're a prude. It's just the way how things go I surpose.

As long as you do what you love, I don't think you should care what others think. I repeat again, you do have talent, don't sell yourself short.

I hope you feel better about this soon
Sep. 9th, 2003 11:38 pm (UTC)
Oh oops I forgot this part sorry.

I prefer tasteful stuff compared to the hardcore sex bits. I guess I'm a sap aswell :)

feel better soon

Sep. 10th, 2003 12:02 am (UTC)
*huggles* I love your fics and pictures! Granted, smut is good every once in awhile, but emotions are what I absolutely love. I also prefer sensuality to hardcore. I mean, I like both, but I prefer teasing sensuality to full-out nudity. LOL. *shrugs* I like to revel in the forbidden.

Anyway, you're probably wondering how I found you. ^_^; I've been a fan of yours for at least a year now. I absolutely adore your 3x4x3 fics. I just love them. They are so emotional and lovely. I hope you keep going. ^_^
Sep. 10th, 2003 02:21 am (UTC)
I love a good smut SCENE.

A well crafty romp always sends me into bliss. I think the SEXIEST sex scene I EVER read, And it's a toss up really between Two fics. (Both by the same author, Lorena.)

Her Bolero Scene during the Masquerade in "Barecolle" Oh man HOT HOT HOT! and they never even took their clothes off. THat was a ballroom ORGY and no one got naked. It was one huge mass MIND FUCK OOOHHH! AHHHH! YEAH! I want that power! *It made my head spin it was that mentally HOT.

I thought it hotter than the actual sex scene in the fic. (Which was just as visually pleasing in description)

The other was in her Fic "The Shadow Groom"

Where Trowa and Quatre are on a bed of Ivy... What the Ivy does in tandem and encouragement is scintilating! Flora and fauna mild kink psuedo bondage.... Rowr.

But they were just segments, HOT scenes in greater works, where there was a REASON behind the screwing, emotions were involved (Plants were involved heh heh), that so gets my knickers in a bunch.

I guess I like the prolonged "foreplay" in fics, scenes that lead into sex, and drift out leaving us satisifed and anticipating the next rendevous.


(Deleted comment)
Sep. 10th, 2003 01:33 pm (UTC)
No I think I'm gonna cling to you like Glue.

I think you nailed it on the head. That's why I'm weaning myself *OFF* fandom related stuff unless I feel like doodling a character I love.

And I'm focusing my creative energy to my original stuff. I'm tired of drawing/writing for other people, I wanna draw/write for ME now.

Let me join you on the cynical/jaded side.

I'll bring the BEER, fire up the BBQ!

( 20 comments — Leave a comment )

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