Ego's are very fragile and mine's no exception....
I always manage to post something at the exact same time as someone else.... (be it a fic or a pic. It happens every time.)
It's very depressing and I want to just hang it all up and quit really most times.
LJ has REALLY brought that point home... I hate feeling jealous, it's a HORRIBLE thing to feel.
I can't help it though, and I can't begrudge the people with the massive fan base either since I'm one of them.
It's just I want to go and bang my head against the wall toss in the towel, I guess I just don't draw or write for the masses.
I'm a sap whore, I don't write PWPs and I don't draw it either really.
I mean I *have* before, it's just not something that floats my boat. Once or twice was enough for me. I never written/drawn Bondage or NCS cause well I really don't like it at all.
I must be in the distinct minority there.
Because the numbers don't lie.... you want recognition in any fandom... pander to smut.
Not that smut a BAD thing, but my GOD there is MORE OUT THERE THAN *JUST* SEX, SEX, SEX!
Call me old fashioned I guess, I happen to like an emotional heartstring drama romance, or hysterical Satire, or just mundane generic filler fluff to a series once in a while. A nice beautifully detailed, flowing robe bish with a sensual tease of fold that hides bits creatively and just showcases the BEAUTY of nudity as opposed to "spooge", torture sex, orgies, and cum shots. Again, not that I don't appreciate those too, but it seems that ONLY THOSE sorts of things get ANY recognition really.
Again, I think I'm in the minority again.
Because I've tried to do what I like, I try to be witty, and creative without caving into peer pressure and it does not work and your ego gets battered repeatedly.
So I'm gonna go crawl under my rock and hide and do the self-pity thing for about an hour and lick my wounds.
I really hate feeling all jealous like this, it sucks ROCKS.
Because I really like the *people* (as peers and friends) I get so insanely jealous over.
There's the irony I suppose. You can't hate them, even when they make you feel worthless.
Because they aren't doing it on purpose and they ARE talented.
They deserve the accolades, I just wonder why the things that get the most feedback usually contain naught but sex or rape or whips or all of the above.
It really confuses me, I'm not a prude either.